five step renewal for those with troubled lotus feet

1. soak your feet in a tub of warm water - it's always nice to pamper those dogs that carry you all day. go ahead and feel the need to stick them in some warm water. you can even throw some petals from that rose the beast has given you for staying with him in his castle.

2. pumice stone - because most of the time i'm walking around with strings bound to my feet, they have a tendency to get beaten and torn up. i take care of this with my pumice stone. nothing shaves off those awful stubs and removes skin like this stone! grind that stone until there is no more skin left and all you have is a nub! i kid!

3. shea butter foot cream - after you've scrubbed off all that excess skin, make sure to add some creamy buttery stuff that will detract the stench that used to come from your stub. a nice coconut or mango scent always works. this will really soften up those lotus petals!


4. polish - time to paint your stub! who says you can't paint the tip of the lotus foot with bright red polish! go for the gold, especially since the next step you'll be hoping you have the hottest stubs around!



5. Pièce de résistance - the topping of this five step program are the hot designer shoes you'll slip on so that every women will bow and tremble at your mercy! these Giuseppe Zanotti platform slingbacks will make women hate you and men chase you. just make sure you don't fall, when you're finally running away from the beast to that handsome prince!

Note: This five step treatment also works for people with normal feet.

$1,799, Winston White Clawfoot Cast Iron Bathtub available at Overstock.com
$5, pumice stone available at The Body Shop
$25, L'Occitane shea butter foot cream available at Sephora
$18, Yves Saint Laurent Nail Lacquer available at Nordstrom
$595, Giuseppe Zanotti platform slingbacks available at eLUXURY.com